The Response Archive is a collection of past questions and responses. The letters below best reflected the overall nature of the mail we received the week they were posted. Keep in mind all the letters we receive are important to us, and we answer them with genuine concern and appreciation for the writer and his/her situation.
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(All of the following questions are from real people, and were posted with their approval)
GIRL IN LOVE WITH NICK CARTER (Blond kid from Backstreet Boys)
"I am in love with a star. I am so much in love with Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys. All my friends say that I am crazy and that there is no chance EVER that I will get with him.
That might be true with any other star, but I have actually met Nick. I also like other boy bands and have a fave boy from each, but with Nick I actually feel some type of connection.
Am I just a loonie fan that has gone way past being obsessed, or am I feeling something real? My friends also tell me that I have to get a man...yada yada... I can't really feel for
anyone else. I have minor crushes on other "real" guys, but there is no one else that makes me feel the way I feel when I look at Nick. In interviews, etc, when he describes his "perfect
woman" he describes me, and when I think of my "perfect man" I think of him. (We are also the same age, but I'm 6 months younger) Ahh, I am so confused! I am at the age where mostly all
my friends are with guys and they are deleriously in love and starting to settle. I feel like I am being left out. I want to have feelings for other guys, but Nick is taking up so much room
in my heart that I can't really get with anyone else. Do you have any suggestions for me?"
The truth is, you are not a loonie.
There is nothing wrong with you. Many people become enamoured with popular celebrities, who always appear romantic, pleasant, good looking and fun to be with. What you want to know is whether or not your feelings towards Nick are real, or simply an infatuation.
Apparently you two seem to have good feelings towards each other. That, in itself, is a blessing. There is no need to be ashamed of that, or envy the relationships your friends may be involved in. Being a successful star, Nick is no doubt a self-confident,
positive individual -- already a step ahead of those who talk and think big but never do anything productive.
By following through with this friendship, time will tell if the two of you are meant to be together. However, remember this -- Noone is perfect. Actually, people are pretty far from perfect. What you know of Nick may only be through magazines, television and
the internet. In other words, you may have fallen in love with Nick of the Backstreet Boys, not Nick of everyday life, so there is still a lot that you don't know about him. Every relationship goes through a romantic period when both partners laugh at each other's bad jokes, and find each other's idiosyncracies amusing (as opposed to annoying). But when you can care enough about a person to accept his weaknesses and forgives his faults, that's when you know you are in a true relationship.
Good luck! I just hope he doesn't play games with your heart ...
"I don't understand life, and why some things always mess up or go
the wrong way. I always get blamed for things and I don't know why. I need
some advice -- please, help me and write back -- I'm desperate!"
Life can be exciting, rewarding and a great teacher only if you accept the challenges it poses. Face your problems and learn from them. Life is not always going to be easy. If things don't work out the way you planned, change your approach and try again. It is never really over until you win. When things are no working out, it is not a real problem -- Giving up, feeling depressed, is. We all encounter major problems. Have courage, and do what you think is right. Remember, it is the only way you can become stronger, more mature, and discover the inner talents that are within you. If you fail to meet challenges, you will become weak -- A prisoner of life. Not only will you feel like a loser, people will start treating you like one, which is why people start to use you as a scape goat. So be brave, and stand up for yourself. Here is what I advise you to do:
1) Always do your best in spite of how impossible it seems.
2) Don't carry grudges, and let bygones be bygones. People waste too much energy harboring resentment.
3) Be self confident, stand up for what you believe in and hold your head up high.
"I have a boyfriend. We have been going out for 3 years now. We live together.
We had our little problems now and then, but this is really big -- At least to me.
We had a big fight not long ago and I was the one that started it. I said some things that were not true -- I just said them to piss him off. Well it worked, because he didn't want anything to do
with me, but that passed. When I came back he told me that he met this girl on the internet and that he was just talking to her because he needed someone to listen to him.
Every time I ask him something about her I hear a different story. A couple of days ago he received an e-mail from her which said she missed him, and that she doesn't want to share him with anybody else. He said that he has only known her for 2 days. Today he got another 4 e-mails after telling me that he didn't talk to her ever since I came back. I asked him for her e-mail and he said that he has it at work. He said that he took it there on the 23rd of December, but before he told me that he met her on the 30th. Please help, I really don't know what to do."
This must be a very trying time for you, and I sympathize. Even the most promising relationships will face challenges and situations from time to time, to discover how strong they truly are, and to heighten their love. True love will survive rough times and not deteriorate over time and space.
In the beginning of a relationship, people fall head over heels with each other. Over time, we change and grow. Howver, some people grow faster than others. It was improper for you to lie only to antagonize him, but realizing your mistake is a sign of personal growth. It was improper for your boyfriend to jeopardize your relationship over a single event -- This is also sign of immaturity.
Regardless of what your boyfriend admits or denies, I believe he is interested in the other girl, at least for the moment. This is a time when the love between you and your boyfriend is being tested. During this period, always keep the following five things in mind:
1) Never, at any point, feel sorry for yourself. There is no reason that you should. You will, and always be, his equal.
2) Try to value all the experiences with him you are going to face , regardless of the outcome.
3) Don't become the Town Sheriff and make everything a confrontation, or persistently accuse or challenge him. It will only push him further away.
4) There are times when you think you'll lose him, but be patient.
5) Try to practice unconditional love. True love is never possessive.
Even if you do all these things there is no guarantee that your boyfriend will be your everlasting partner, because he has to grow as well. Both sides need to mature and grow in order to be together. It the love is true and solid, than he will come back to you and the relationship will be stronger as a result. If not, you will have grown into a better person, and will take this experience into your next relationship. This is a follow-up response to a woman who no longer has an e-mail address.
I'm sorry to hear that your relationship didn't work out. It must be disheartening, after the end of a once seemingly good relationship.
No matter how much you are hurting, or how badly you may feel, this pain will go away over time. The sooner that you accept what has happened and let it go, the sooner you will be yourself again. I know it sounds impossible right now, but just remember that you are not alone. People lose their loved ones, couples get divorced, but still -- these individuals manage to move on and live happy lives. Tragedies happen everyday to all kinds of people. I know it's not going to be easy, but you will get through this.
Try to keep yourself busy. Spend time with friends who truly care about you, and never feel sorry for yourself.
"My problem is that I sleep too much, I sleep and sleep and sleep.....and then I still want more. What's wrong with me???"
It sounds like you have a highly irregular sleeping pattern, which, if not checked, may lead to something more serious. Have you considered seeing a local physician, or better yet, a sleep disorder clinic in your area?
It would be a good idea to keep track of your sleeping patterns for a week or so, by writing in a notepad the times you go to bed and the times you wake up. The more you know about your sleeping habits, the better a physician will be able to help you. One of the most common factors of a sleeping disorder is snoring. It is important to find out if you snore, and how heavy your snore is (an honest relative can help you out). Heavy snoring can be an indication that your body isn't getting enough oxygen while you sleep. If the brain is struggling for oxygen, you will never get a decent night's sleep, and you will feel unrefreshed. If this is the case, talk to your physician or sleep disorder clinic about a Nasal CPAP System -- A machine which will help you breath during sleep. The machine has helped many people with sleeping disorders in Canada.
